It seems impossible to no react to a screaming child, or to one who has disobeyed us and have put themselves in danger. AND, we never feel good when we react. Never. Ever. Every reaction is painful to us and to those we are pointing it at. So, there must be another way, right? Right.
We don't HAVE TO REACT.
To teach yourself this seemingly impossible idea, the next time you have an itch on your skin, don't give in to scratching it, and the sensation will go away (ancient Zen practice).
Practice this until you can see for yourself that is it possible not to react to a stimulus. Then, use the strategy when you feel upset coming on and are about to unleash on your kids. Remind yourself that you don't have to react.
You get to keep calm and become more clear about what's going on and you don't have to suffer the pain of acting out yourself. When a child is acting out, that's enough people acting out, we don't need to act out too.
When you learn that you have this power, you become calm and compassionate.
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Peaceful parenting...it's possible.