Losing Your Cool Doesn't Feel Cool
The other day I got grumpy when my grandkids were complaining about one of the other kids 'touching' their Halloween candy.
I reminded myself that no one can make me feel - all my feelings originate and end right here inside of me, so I took myself off to see what my problem was. I know, from years of self-inquiry, that if I see a problem, I'm it. It is possible to be calm when the other is not - they are never in charge of our state of being - we are. Wanting the other to be responsible for my inner freedom is insanity, irresponsible and can not work!
What I found, when I sat quietly and asked the question, "What did I really want in that moment when the kids were upset?" I wanted to not be affected by the other's behaviour. How many times have you been caught up and into the other's nonsense? I would love to be free of that and yet I did the exact same behaviour they did. Said another way, I want to stay feeling peaceful when the other is upset. I noticed being grumpy didn't get me any peace. Awareness of what doesn't work leads to and leaves space for what does work.
I apologized to the kids, explaining that I am responsible for my behaviour and that they certainly aren't now and never will be responsible for my behaviour. They, being kids, hugged me and said, that's okay grandma and carried on, asking if I wanted to play with them. I felt so good inside, knowing that I was honest with them. If I'm grumpy, that's my problem not their's. Now they know they are safe with me, that I will take responsibility for my behaviour and not blame it on them.
Kids keep teaching me what I need to learn so I can teach them what they need to learn. It's a good deal.
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