I know how awful it feels to punish a child. I truly hope that I never do it again. This strategy has helped me and it will work for anyone who can sit quietly for a few minutes and wait for an answer to the question you are invited to ask yourself before punishing a child. When you look inside, the 'charge' that is behind the urge to punish disappears, and natural compassion appears. It also leaves you more clear-headed to know what action would be right for you to take, if any.
This brilliant strategy comes from the work of Suzi Kesler Lula, an expert in Self-Care (I just took one of her classes and would highly recommend them!) who teaches the simple idea of taking a moment instead of reacting. This 30 Second Parenting Strategy also comes from Guy Finley's teachings: we only punish another if we are in pain ourselves. When you put them together, you have a recipe for peace in parenting - something we all want.
Don't worry that your child won't turn out okay. They're going to turn out just like we did, and if you use strategies like this one, and the others in Kid Code - Quick!, and the full version: Kid Code, your child will learn that they can make themselves happy by engineering their inside with techniques like this one - and then they can turn out differently than us.
This strategy will seem impossible at first because your unconscious mind has some idea that punishing the child will 'fix' whatever is wrong. Punishment won't fix them, it will turn them into punishers - of themselves and others. It's time - in the world - for that kind of false thinking to come to end. It doesn't serve anyone.
In the heat of the moment, it can seem impossible to stop and ask yourself a question because you're all fired up, stirred up, lit up, and ready to let loose (I am familiar with that state). But, what if, just one time, you try this and see what happens. And then you try it a couple of more times.
Most important of all, don't beat yourself up - don't punish yourself if you don't use this strategy and go through with punishing your child. If you've done any work with the Kid Code, you know that one of our life-savers is to stop judging yourself - only because it does NO good. We're not looking for a kind of perfection that doesn't exist, we are looking to bring understanding to ourselves so that we can be peaceful, loving, fun human beings!
If you need help, please post your question on our Facebook page and I'll answer it: Conscious Parents, Conscious Kids.
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