Temper tantrums in children cause major stress in parents.
We all know it doesn’t help to be stressed when a child is.
Temper tantrums happen when ‘I want’ meets ‘I can’t have’ (just like in adults). Temper tantrums are the ego developing and/or sustaining itself (just like in adults).
Here’s some help from a different perspective:
1. Notice you are getting upset and remind yourself that won’t help you or the child and then watch them with curiosity – do this one time and your level of stress will come down then and the next time your child has one. Don’t judge them and don’t judge you, just watch them and notice everything that’s going on with them and inside of you. This method moves you away from being entangled in the upset emotions that end up in actions that make the situation worse.
2. Another technique that is helpful is to be aware of the child, but do something good for yourself with as much focus as you can:
While your child is having a temper tantrum: remind yourself that this too shall pass, and do Kegels, or, exercise your brain with a math problem.
3. Do your own self-inquiry work on why your child is so upset. You may find things like you want them to have what they want so they stop bothering you, so they feel special, so they are better than other kids, etc. When you sit quietly and ask why your child is so upset, feel all the feelings that come up until they dissipate. Seeing these ideas that make a strange kind of sense – that in reality make no sense at all are concepts we learned as children that are still unknowingly affecting us – until we see them.
These methods may sound flippant; they’re not. They keep you out of trouble. If you react negatively to a child’s temper tantrum, you complicate the problem. Don’t pretend to do Kegels or math problems – do them with as much focus and attention as you can – give yourself something valuable – exercising parts of your body and mind for your own benefit during the tantrum.
When the child is old enough, teach them self-inquiry methods, so they can see for themselves that what they are having the temper tantrum about can never fulfill them anyway.
Author, Kid Code
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