When People Hurt, They Become Violent
With the right conditions, a flower blossoms.
With the right conditions, a human being does, too.
Looking inside of ourselves makes the conditions right.
Everyone wants peace. Many people fight with others for it. Fighting for peace isn’t peaceful.
Violence comes from those of us who believe we hurt. The more we believe we hurt, the more violent we become. Said another way, the more we are identified with being hurt, the more violently we act.
We’ve all felt violence inside of ourselves. “I don’t like violence, but if someone seriously harms my child, my mind gets violent towards them and I’m scared I might actually be able to really hurt someone in a case like that.”
When hurting catalyzes violence, it can never bring peace, it can only bring more violence.
Violence takes many forms: against the other, against self, against life, against what created us, against races, against situations, against objects, against the planet.
So, if the root of violence is believing we’ve been hurt, and it is, then we need to work on hurt and our response to it.
In the moment we hurt, we have to do something different than what we’ve always done. When we get hurt, we defend it and declare we have the right to be hurt. Do we want that right?
If we have to do something differently, what might it be?
When I feel like someone or a situation has hurt me, I get quiet, sit with my eyes closed and feel what’s happening inside of me, and then ask myself some questions.
This morning I went to use my aloe gel and saw that it and some other stuff was missing from my counter. My husband had been there the day before but was leaving for a trip the next day. He accidently put them in his bag. First I got mad, then I felt indignant, and then I felt hurt ‘that he didn’t care enough about me to make sure he didn’t take stuff I needed.’ Then I wanted to phone him and blame him. I went through all of this before I even knew if he had taken the stuff.
Then I did the work:
“Will feeling hurt help me in any way that truly serves me and others?” No.
“Will feeling hurt end the hurt, or will it magnify and multiply it?” No.
“Do I want to act in a violent way?” No, definitely not. I don’t want to blame him, or be mad and I don’t want to feel like I feel right now.
“What is good about this situation that I believe hurt me?” The ‘aha’ hit me: those little things don’t really matter. That was it for me, the issue dissolved. I knew I would be home in a few hours and could get more of the things I needed. The mind is so used to being a victim – that’s not okay with my anymore. I’m going to checkmate that mechanical mind of mine every time it tells me I’m hurt and then begins to make me feel that way!
When I get the answers, I sit and feel the awful feelings caused by my wrong thinking and that’s enough to feel real peace inside of me and dissolve any feelings of ill will towards anyone or anything.
I called my husband and told him how grateful I was that he was in my life, I told him that I had so much to learn and he was such a good teacher for me.
Self-inquiry causes real peace.
When you hurt, what might you do differently?
Blessing everyone into blossoming,