Waking Up With Brenda © 2018 by Brenda Miller

ABOUT BRENDA

Brenda is a Peace Coach – Peace is what she wanted most, what she unexpectedly found and what she wants to help parents and their kids find.

 

She taught conscious conflict resolution in six countries, studied the Masters’ who don’t experience stress the way we do, and learned how to dissolve troubles and upsets instantly.

 

She’s married, has three kids and six granddaughters, and that means family get togethers are loud, fun and sometimes cause for using the strategies in the book!

ABOUT THE KID CODE

A new, conscious parenting book is coming soon: The Kid Code - and it will change the way you think. This is what you will learn in the book:

 

  • That kids teach us what they want us to teach them.

  • What to do when kids lie, tantrum, rebel, back talk, etc.

  • A simple strategy to find solutions to any problem with a child.

  • What to say to a child to bring peace back to the home.

  • The cause of, and the cure for, parents stress.

  • How to stay connected, in a state of coherence, and calmness.

 

They may be four feet shorter than us, but kids are ten times wiser. They belly laugh, don’t hold grudges, make friends easily, and, don’t register skin color, status, or body size. They are innocent, spontaneous, curious, and genuine. They don’t know how to criticize, and, are naturally affectionate.

 

They want us to teach them THAT is who they really are. That’s who we really are, too.

 

Kids are not governed by ‘things’; they don’t care how important we are or what position we hold in our family, career, community, or country. They have never made a comment on the make of a car, the size of a house, or the clothes someone is wearing. That’s how we want to be, too, because it’s peaceful to be in that state.

 

It’s okay to have a nice house and a car with a personal license plate, a career, and anything else that’s in our lives; kids would like us to know that those things are not what really matter in life. We know that, but, are easily drawn into making unimportant things into important things. When we do that, we cause ourselves a lot of stress. We don’t want stress in our lives anymore. It’s not right-feeling.

 

We drift away from the natural state we see in children and fall into the trap of putting value and meaning on ‘things’ or ‘ideas’, like my child ‘should do well’ without knowing that ‘do well’ really means feeling at

ease in their own skin, not winning a race, looking good, or getting 100% on a test.

 

Kids can play for hours with almost nothing (a stick, rocks, or a cardboard box) and be in their glory; that’s because the glory is inside of them already. Their inner joy creates their experience of life. They aren’t asking life (or anything or anyone in it) to make their experience what it is. They project their inner state of joy out onto anything that’s in front of them. If that is true, and it is, then working on the inner state is the cure for outer problems (problems we experience with others, with situations, and with events).

 

All of that is what kids want us to teach them.

 

The natural wisdom in a child is there because they haven’t yet been conditioned by beliefs about all of those things: skin color, status, body image, or wealth.

 

It struck me like a lightning bolt when I realized beliefs (in skin color, status, wealth, etc.) were at the root of all discord. The ‘thing’ itself wasn’t stressful (body size, skin color, wealth – none of those are stressful) until we believe something about them.

 

If we don’t have a belief about those things, there can be no opinion or prejudice that can gets us all stirred up about them. All of those things only took on importance when we (as parents, or as a society) believed they did, and then, either implied or insisted those opinions mattered and were true. We also taught our kids to let those ideas define who they are. We didn’t teach those ideas knowing they would cause stress. We taught them hoping that it meant we had value, that we mattered, or that we would somehow be safe if we were ‘better than’ the other. We (mostly) unknowingly teach all beliefs.

 

It’s natural for kids to exist without believing anything. A child doesn’t need to believe in anything to smile, reach for your hand, eat, walk, or talk. That’s what we’ve forgotten: we can exist naturally without needing to believe.

 

When beliefs take over, stress is the outcome. This is provable and powerful and only takes a few seconds every single time we feel stress.

 

We think our lives have meaning because of our beliefs. The truth is that our lives have meaning because we are here and part of Creation. That’s enough. We are enough as we are, without adding anything to ourselves (like a belief that separates and limits us). An example is that we all have the belief that we are better than someone else. Right now, think of the person you consider yourself to be better than. Is it a truth just because it’s a belief? In reality, the belief that we are better than another is limiting, stressful, and separating, not true.

 

Kids say they wish their parents weren’t so stressed and tired. Parents wish they weren’t too, but what’s the sure-cure for those problems? Parents don’t want ‘hit and miss’ ideas to solve these problems. We don’t have time. Why get an answer except the one that works? 

 

The Kid Code and its 30 second parenting strategies instantly reduce stress by returning us to our Natural Selves! When we feel natural, our words and actions come naturally, and, we are harmless to ourselves and others. 

 

As Byron Katie says, “Suffering is optional.” That means we have the power to dissolve beliefs that cause suffering – sooner is better than later. None of us want our kids to suffer, and most of us are tired of it for ourselves, too.

 

But…it’s the way it is…for kids to come into the world with few beliefs, adopt our beliefs and the beliefs of our society, have stress about them, and then dissolve the beliefs.

 

The book offers over 100 simple strategies that take the anger and confusion out of parenting and bring us back to love as a response – no pretending, and no, (or less) stressful hollering, demanding, and muttering nasty stuff under our breath.

 

Bring peace to your household:

  • Learn the cause and cure for stress.

  • Use an effective method to handle big upsetting emotional outbursts.

  • Bless a mistake to keep mistakes stress-free.

  • Replace punishment with natural consequences.

  • Stop back-talk with gratitude.

  • Remove fear of the Boogeyman with a visit to the Boogeyman.

  • Trade control for calmness. 

  • Blossom kids instead of blaming them.

  • Stop kids from fighting, 

  • Stop bullies from bullying, 

  • Stop confusion in any situation. 

  • Say ‘no’ kindly.

  • Know what to do with negativity, stubbornness, laziness, and power struggles that leave you feeling powerless.

  • Divert your attention to ‘Divinity’ and operate from that place of peace.

  • Teach your kids to take ‘Happy Street’ instead of ‘Mad Street’.

  • Give each child individual attention so they listen to you.

  • Help kids solve their own problems with these strategies.

  • Find happiness where it is and stop looking for it where it isn’t!

 

You will learn the best statements you can make to a child. Some examples are:

  • Is there anything I can do to help?

  • I’m going to do some inner work to relieve the stress I’m feeling. You are welcome to join me if you’d like.

  • I’ve considered everything you’ve said, and I have made a decision that I feel is best for your wellbeing. The answer is no.

  • I’m grateful for you because…..

  • Bless you; mistakes are normal. Feeling stressed about them isn’t. After we make a mistake, we have to make it right so we stay feeling good inside.

  • What do you feel is a natural consequence for the action of being late for an agreed upon curfew time?

  • Feel the fear until it passes, it will. It’s not real.

  • Am I missing something? Is there more you can tell me about this so I have a clearer picture?

  • I’m sorry.

  • Attitude makes me grumpy so I drop it when I see it in me.

  • Gratitude makes me comfy so I look for what I’m grateful for and say so – many times a day. Then it grows.

  • I don’t relate/respond to those big emotions, and in truth, you don’t either. Go ahead and have them and notice how they make you feel. I’m here if you want to talk to me when you’re calm.

  • I need a minute. (Suzi Lula, self-care expert).

  • When I’m on mad street, I remind myself I don’t need my angry story anymore (John de Ruiter) and that puts me right back on happy street.

  • I like the feeling of getting in touch with the aliveness inside of me. Would you like to feel it?

  • I like the feeling of getting in touch with the energy inside of me that’s peaceful. Would you like to feel it?

  • I like the feeling of stillness. It’s where answers to problems come from.

  • “Whose business are you in?” (Byron Katie). I’m stressed out when I’m in the other’s business.

  • I’m here if you want to talk. (Conscious Parenting)

  • And many more!

 

All of the strategies give you and your kids relief in the moment of upsets or troubles, or, right after, and that’s like a miracle for parents and kids.

 

Choose the ones you like and use them often.

 

When used long-term, long-term patience and wisdom show up and short-term craziness vanishes, or at least makes fewer, less stressful appearances.

CONTACT ME

thekidcodebook@outlook.com

403-501-8883 (Canada)