When The Kids Like The Other Parent More

Kids ‘like the other parent better’ because (get ready, this needs to be said and then changed within you – I’m on your side!) – kids like the other parent better because you are insecure, dislike and resent the other parent, and, are competing with them for the love of your child/ren. Ouch. It’s a big deal these days with so many ‘broken homes’. If you have this problem and see it through new eyes, change will happen. You can live your life without wasting upsetting energy thinking about the other parent. How to do this? Make peace within yourself about the other parent. Accept them 100% for who they are: living with beliefs that cause them pain, and their choices are their choices. Accepti

Grabbing

"Don't grab," I said as I grabbed something one of my kids had just grabbed from another. One day I noticed the irony, the ridiculousness, and the ineffectiveness of what I was doing. With some pondering, I came to the understanding that when my kids behaved poorly, I thought that reflected poorly on my parenting skills, so I was trying to teach them in the hopes that I would look good as a parent. Ugh. There is another way to parent, and that is: gaining a deeper understanding of what our kids are doing and why. Kids grab - mine is their favourite ('mine' is our favourite, too). Establishing a 'me' and then a 'me first' and finally a 'me is all that matters') is the natural progression of e

Defiance & Rebellion

One day, in joyous rebellion, I drove the tractor 2 miles down country roads to the local store to get a treat. I had my younger brother in tow - standing precariously perched beside me while I rolled down the road grinning like I was in the Grand Prix. I was 13 or 14 years old at the time. My little freedom-foray was definitely a no-no (but a lot of fun - until the deed was discovered). Children rebel because they want to feel independent and can't if parents believe parenting means being 'the boss' and managing the brood. Nobody likes to be managed. It stifles our intelligence and independence. Mostly we're 'the boss' because we want to keep our children safe and help make them be successf

When Peers Put The Pressure On

Peers pressure because they want collaborators, not because they ‘like’ the one they are pressuring. After all, would anyone pressure someone into something that they know spells trouble if they really liked them? Over time, these ways of parenting help children stay solid inside of themselves: Nurture their individuality. Cultivate their interests. Earn their trust by being honest and responsible as best as you can. Boost their self-worth in a non-egoic way: show reverence for everyone and everything and they will learn that all of life is valuable. Give your child lots of attention. If your child is old enough to understand others are pressuring them to do things they do or don’t want to d

Can You Love When The Other Hates?

There was a man whose mother tried to smother him to death. It seemed natural to him to hate her, but his hate was hurting him, not her. He said he would do some inner inquiry but that he hated her and nothing could change that. At the end of the work, he said, "I feel like I love her." That was his True Nature guiding him. It doesn't know how to hate. That doesn't mean that what she did was right. To do something like that to your child means the pain is out of control - and is likely nearly impossible to overcome. But does he have to suffer for a lifetime because of the tragedy? Not if he looks inside and brings understanding to confusion. When WE hate, WE hurt. I've noticed it's possible

Stress Less

Be An Ex-Know-It-All Sadly, I have a lot of experience with a know-it-all in my life – me. I began to notice something really interesting about the ‘know-it-all’ and stress, and this is what I found: The ‘I don’t know’ mind is the best cure for stress. And I don’t know more than I do know. When that truth settles down over me, I settle down, too. After all we don’t know much, really (beyond practical stuff). Do you know for sure how we got here as humans? Do you know for sure how the heart works, including all the physical, emotional, mental and energetic influences it has? Do you know for sure that you have the recipe for success? Or that you don’t? Do you know why you got the kids you did

Bullying Doesn't Cure Bullying

There is a remedy for bullying – it’s called Self-Inquiry and it ends bullying without ever speaking to the bully. But first things first why would a society agree to bullying? In a strange way, we’re conditioned to think ‘that’s just the way some people are’. Worse yet, bullying or abuse of another is what we know. We all bully/abuse/be mean to someone - or a pet – in varying degrees, and we all wish we didn’t. We all wish others wouldn’t bully us and we really don’t want people we know to be bullied. Wishing won’t change bullying, but awareness about it will. Up until now we address bullying by: - Ignoring and Denying it. A mom I know went to the school her son attended and repo

"I'm Bored"

Kids are bored for the same reason we are – we believe we know what will provide pleasure/entertainment and fulfillment. Presence is the simple cure for boredom. Try it. In the next ten minutes, pay close attention to every detail of what you are doing. If you are washing the dishes, watch the soapy water slide over the dishes. Watch each movement your hands make. Watch the clear water wash away the soap bubbles. If you are at work, listen to each word you speak or have spoken to you, stay present to each step when you’re walking from one place to another. Watch your hands touch the keyboard or the hammer. Watch every movement you make. You will notice the boredom has disappeared. But…big b

Temper The Tantrums

Temper tantrums in children cause major stress in parents. We all know it doesn’t help to be stressed when a child is. Temper tantrums happen when ‘I want’ meets ‘I can’t have’ (just like in adults). Temper tantrums are the ego developing and/or sustaining itself (just like in adults). Here’s some help from a different perspective: 1. Notice you are getting upset and remind yourself that won’t help you or the child and then watch them with curiosity – do this one time and your level of stress will come down then and the next time your child has one. Don’t judge them and don’t judge you, just watch them and notice everything that’s going on with them and inside of you. This method moves you

Children Are Our Equals

They are a part of creation in the same way we are. They came at a different time than we did. A clear understanding of this puts us as equals at different ages with different job descriptions. While it is our job to give them a social and spiritual understanding of life, they can teach us as much as we can teach them. When a child acts out and would benefit by some guidance, I take the opportunity to learn something myself. Yours in waking up, Brenda

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Waking Up With Brenda © 2018 by Brenda Miller